Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
