i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
