is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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