pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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