No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
