youre lurking in front of me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
