The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
