Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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