so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
