dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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