Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
