You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
