Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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