That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
