VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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