Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
