I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
