I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
