my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
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The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
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Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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