I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
