There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
