Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
