sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
