Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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