i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I queefed so loud it echoed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
