so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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