Kiss
Puke
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
