I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
