It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
