have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
