TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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