Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
