i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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