I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
