She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
