Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
