"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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