I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
