someone owes me an orgasm
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
