Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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