your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
