I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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