i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
