those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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