Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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