She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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