I forgot how hot balto sounded
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
