The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
