i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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