yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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