Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
