I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
