Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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