You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
