I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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