Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
