I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
