captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
