I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
