So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
