This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
