I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
