Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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