just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
