I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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