just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
