its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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