I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
