Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
