We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
