I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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