if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize