Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
now i know why i became what i already was.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
